Dream Thread

I stay in bed, trying to remember his face, his scent, his voice, remember the love my great papa had for me, even if it is just a dream. I always dream of family members that I barely even know, specifically my great grandpa who passed away when I was little. I only knew him when I was very young but I still remember exactly what he looks like and even smells like. Every dream I have of him is basically identical to the other. He is always sitting in a wooden porch swing, decaying due to old age, and he’s just sitting there. Sitting there in his old black work boots that always seemed way too large in proportion to his tall scrawny figure. Of course he was wearing his navy pants that were too short with a flannel shirt that didn’t match at all, and he always had on his glasses that I only know to describe as “grandpa glasses”. He has a huge smile on his face as soon as I see him. “There’s my Ansley. Hurry up and give me a hug.” I run over to him as fast as my little, short, chubby four year old legs would take me. I crawl up on his lap and get engulfed into a big bear hug. I inhale his scent, the smell of wood, gasoline, outdoors, basically what I would describe as the smell of hard work. I can never remember what we talked about, sitting on that porch swing. I just can always picture his tall lanky body, moving as he speaks, always so passionate about what he is saying.

I will never understand why I dream about this man so often. I rarely got to see my great grandpa and I honestly have no recollection of the few times I did see him. I know what he looked like, and I know what he sounded like, but I feel like I don’t really know him. The only time I feel like I really know my grandpa is when I dream about him. I think I dream that recurring dream because I long for my childhood and I long for a relationship with my papa.